Communicating with your teenage kids (errr...a young adult, I should say)

As soon as the sound of firecrackers and spectacular display of pyrotechnics started to fade, we ran back inside our house to sit down for our media noche. Bam was so hyper that night, teasing everyone in sight, sparing nobody who live inside our compound.

Medyo pikon pala ako that night. I didn’t realize this until I heard Bam make a funny (not so funny for me) remark about one of my friends. While my blood was starting to boil, she was still laughing so hard at her own joke, not noticing the stern look I was already throwing at her (the ‘Mama look’ as they often call it).

Normally, I simply smile when Bam starts making teasing remarks like this, not minding at all since we were talking about other people. But not anyone among our friends (hers, Kim’s, or mine). This was the first time I heard her make fun of how one of my friends looks like.

After a few exchange of ‘arguments’ with her about this, as you see we are both able to find our own reasons for our actions and reactions, I turned on my ‘silent wall’, not wanting to say anything anymore about the topic and just went on cleaning up our kitchen.

It took me one day before I went back to thinking about what happened that New Year’s eve. I always felt uncomfortable whenever we have this kind of arguments wherein nobody wants to give in, and nobody is talking to anybody inside the house. Just going on with our usual routines doesn’t feel good without the usual comments and remarks exchanged whenever we are together in any part of the house. On new year’s day we were literally avoiding each other, except of course, during meal times. What a way to start our year, I thought to myself.

While reflecting on this recent happening, I knew that I raised my two daughters to grow up with the ability to speak out their thoughts and feelings freely, but I felt I need to set my bottom-line about certain things. I really don’t feel comfortable talking about the physical attributes of other people and making this a butt of joke.

It was only the following day did we start talking to each other again. But still there were a few arguments that followed, so I went back to my 'silent wall'.

One of my friends who learned about it texted me, “Hala, you might be arguing with Bam for the entire year!!!” I was actually worried that this might worsen if I don’t open up my heart to relating with her again. That would be a torture not only for the two of us, but also to Kim. Sumisikip ang loob ng bahay, is how they describe it whenever there is animosity felt by one of us. Moreso if there are two of us feeling that way. I guess this is what happens when 3 strong women (or ladies) are living inside a house. The space expands when everything’s okay, and it shrinks when things are not that okay.

On the third day we were talking amiably about buying a new digicam (since Kim will be needing this for her school projects, and Bam also needs it) when Bam suddenly said, “Ma, I saw my classmate using a camera that’s also an mp3 or mp4 player!”

Oh, I think I saw one in that store where I bought Kim’s mp3 player, I replied.

“But I don’t like going to that store. I don’t like that store at all. Their products are not that good!”, was her reply.

When I heard her last comment, I just stared at her and asked: “Did you hear what you just said?”

“Uh-huh…”

If you were in my shoes and one of your friends made that same remark you just said, how would you feel?, I asked her again.

She thought for a moment and said: “Babatukan ko siya!”

Okay, so ilang batok kaya ang kailangan ko nang ibigay sayo?

Then she started giggling and replied, “hehe, mga sampu siguro Mama!”

Still making my face look serious, I added, “Nagigets mo ba Bam why we often have those arguments? We are both strong individuals, we know that di ba? And when we are both mad, sumasakit ang ulo ni Kim because of the strong negative energy we are both emitting. Kaya oh please, stop provoking me. Nakakabobo pag galit!”

And that was it. Everything went fine again after that. No sneering comments, no arguments. Siguro ayaw din niyang maging bobo. Ako din.

This is one thing I love whenever we are able to talk things out and express ourselves more clearly. It’s always as if nothing happened at all. Able to re-start again with a clean slate.

Maybe I shouldn’t feel bad about these arguments I sometimes have with Bam or with Kim after all. Maybe we need that to clear things out and get to know each other better. This is exactly how I felt after going through this kind of experience. I learned to understand and appreciate what Bam is trying to tell me. I hope she also feels the same way about this.